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Yet I sit here on my bed unloved, unwanted anddesperately lonely. I know I've kept my incessant yearnings under controland never submitted to them. So how could anyone know? Am I that obvious?Can people see inside me and observe the abomination within? On theoutside I try to be like any other "normal" boy, although I'm not reallysure what the expectations of being a "normal" boy are. Rough and tumblegames I've attempted but they're not for me. The crudeness of boy's talkI've tried but it's not in me. Why do I always feel I am on the outsidelooking in? Maybe I'm an alien on a strange planet who has forgottenwhere they came from and stuck in some foreign environment? Why are thereso many questions and so few answers? My last forlorn hope is to believethere is a God and pray to him for some sort of happiness. As has been myritual for so many lonely nights I kneel down by my bed, clasp my handsand pray to God.'Dear lord I know I am not perfect and maybe I killed mummy when I cameout of. I screamed at him as I pushed and hit him saying what the fuck was that for. He just said he could help it after seeing all the blowjob pictures and wanted to feel it for himself. He then apologized and had me lay back on the couch and gave me a blowjob. Not as violent, but never the less he did deep threat me, lucky bastard has no tonsils, and had me cumming in his mouth and down his throat in minutes. He got all of it, there was nothing left on my cock and then said, that tastes pretty good. Well you can guess what our new daily routine turned into after the giving and receiving of our first blowjobs. In the year 79-80, we were on vacation with my aunt and uncle in Nashville. The only time we had alone was bath time. We hade been at the amusement park all day and returned to the hotel to clean up to go out for dinner. My aunt and uncle showered first and while my aunt got ready, my uncle went out to gas up the car. As we went into the bathroom for our turn my aunt said.
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